Wednesday, September 9, 2009

"They're Good Enough For Meeeeee, Ai ai yay ya ya yaaaaaa!!!"

Mouth. Chunk. Data. Brand. One-Eyed Willy. Goonies. Awesome film. Terrible action figures (2008). When I hear talk of a remake, all I can say is "no, no no no no nonono no."

The greatest part about that movie is when, after the big adventure is over and the parents and kids are on the beach, a town sheriff points to the group and says: "Hey, it's them Goobers!"

PS- Speaking of Data, (the brilliant child actor Ke Huy Quan) I  would much rather have seen Short Round in Indy IV than Marion. I'm just sayin'. I'm a Temple of Doom kind of gal. Now go out and buy Cyndi Lauper's 45 single for the film, you tightwads.

Pay No Attention to the Man in Red!

OK...Curly-Joe Derita was officially the "last Stooge standing," (he passed in 1993) so he deserves props. Still, I can't help but always freak on Moe and Larry, two vaudevillian show-biz veterans who knew exactly what they were doing. They're just...Stoogier than Curly-Joe, God rest his funny soul.

How an you not love the schtick being acted out here: Larry in a full-body moon man suit, Moe too lazy to change out of his regular duds, Curly-Joe too fat for anything but the helmet. I mean, look at Larry and Moe acting their asses off! You gotta admire those guys. I know I do.

No, thanks.

I Would Like To Say "I'm Sorry" in Advance for this.....

I found this in a magazine from the 70's while I was cleaning out the garage. The sheer artistry of this comic brings tears to my eyes.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

I Guess I Owe Him a Lot Of Nachos

My friend Jason pretty much accompanied me everywhere during my late teens and early 20's. I recently found this card, which he made out of cardboard and carried around. As you can see, I got several bad marks for sassiness in Solvang, at Hamburger Hamlet, and elsewhere. (Note: my middle name appears as "Paul" for my love of the Herman's Hermits, obviously.) The card stipulates that I would owe him nachos at the completion of my allowable sassy marks, but I also had free reign to be sassy to everyone but Jason, bless him. Lucky for me, he lost interest in the card after only a few incidents.

This other photo is what can occur when there is an excess of free time, old wigs and enthusiasm. Poor Jason.

Marshal, Will and Holly's Older Self...huh?

Remember the Krofft TV show Land of the Lost? You know, with the Sleestaks? Well, this is a sketch I did of an episode where Holly meets her older self, who helps her out of a jam. (it's a really weird show. Just go with it.)

I wish I had hair like that 70's actress.


This is what "Awesome" looks like

Now THERE'S a Woman!

This is my favorite image of Jayne Mansfield. Why? Because she is completely beautiful, yet totally human. See the stretch marks along her hips and at the tops of her breasts? Her sort-of flat rear end? These flaws make her even more fabulous to me, just for the sheer chutzpah that she had, bless her heart.

The Four Most Famous Faces in The World

Herman's Hermits?

The Coolest One?

When I first discovered the Beatles, I was around 11 or 12 years old. I was searching for depth and knowledge, so John was my favorite. When I was around 15 (and the hormones finally kicked in) Paul was my favorite. Now that I'm in my 30's, I have discovered George. Perhaps when I'm senile, I'll love Ringo most of all! (No offense to the best drummer in the world, mind you!)

Here is Georgie during the filming of Help (1965), which was perhaps their handsomest group appearance ever. See the picture sleeve for "Help/I'm Down" if you don't believe me.

Beatles Archaeology: John Being John

Here is a rarely seen image of John Lennon's hushed up death, circa 1967. The other Lennon was an impostor all along!

"Paul Is Dead'" indeed! Hah!

Don't Touch the Marble, Dummy!

Everyone knows that if you touch marble sculptures, not only do your filthy finger oils permanently dirty the item, but you actually hasten the marble's eventual disintegration!

Darn you, Paul McCharley! (And what is he doing with that man's tongue, anyway?)

Beatles Archaeology: George Harrison's Wife and Family

OK, so most people know that George Harrison's first wife, Patti Boyd-Harrison was one foxy chick. Here is Patti and George's rarely-photographed parents, on their way to a Liverpool Beatles concert in 1966.

In another photo is Gerge's brother Harry, driving the Jaguar that George gave him as a present. Notice anything interesting about Harry's jacket? IT'S GEORGE'S BEATLE JACKET FROM THE HAMBURG DAYS!!!! John's Hamburg jacket showed up at auction in the 80's, because it was stolen from John's Dakota storage apartment room in the late 70's. Now we know what happened to George's. It was, at least in the late 60's, in the possession of George's brother. Awesome.

Ooh, You’re so Cool, Brewster!!!

Charley Brewster… the name of one of the coolest characters ever to grace the silver screen. He was the boy in, you guessed it, the excellent film Fright Night (1985). Played by William Ragsdale in his second acting role ever, Charley Brewster was coupled with the ever-brilliant Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent, “Vampire Killer.” Rounding out the small but powerhouse cast was Chris Sarandon as “Jerry Dandridge,” Amanda “Stuck-up Marcy from Married With Children” Bearse as the teen girlfriend, and total filmic oddity Stephen Geoffreys as “Evil” Ed Thompson,” Brewster’s pal.
Very few times has the credibility card been played so logically in a fantasy/horror movie. The question all moviegoers ask themselves: “why the hell doesn’t he/she just drive away and never return?” is answered admirably here. (The other shining example: Ellen Ripley in Aliens (1986). How in the hell do you get her to go back to LV427 after all that she has seen? See how the writers rationalized it; it’s really well played.) In Fright Night, not only does horror-fan Charley witness a vampire moving in next door, but his flaky single Mom, straight-laced girlfriend and wary friend Evil don’t believe him! Enter Peter Vincent, host of Charley’s favorite TV show, “Fright Night.” After a simple act to “prove” that the new neighbor is not a vampire (see the damned film!) all hell breaks loose!
Roddy McDowall is an American treasure (Yes, I know he’s English!) and Peter Vincent is one of his best roles. The awesome Peter Vincent enjoys a meatier part in Fright Night II (1988), and has a speech that he delivers in a bar about being a vampire killer that is every bit as electrifying as the one he does as “Caesar” in Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973).
I could say much, much more about one of my all-time favorite movies, Fright Night, but I’ll make it brief. I love the exceptional score, the fantastically believable vampire, the creepy “Renfield” daytime vampire guard, and “Evil,” the teenage misfit and his unforgettable laugh.  Stephen Geoffreys, who played “Evil,’ can also be seen in, interestingly enough, a 1980’s schlock film 976-EVIL. Geoffreys then went on to a seemingly lucrative career in adult films, almost always playing the character “Sam Ritter.” Evil is regrettably not in Fright Night II, nor is Amanda Bearse. Don’t even get me started on Fright Night II, which certainly has some incredible moments (OK- the thrilling Jon Gries as “Louie,” the werewolf…I say no more!) For now, I guess I’ll just have to continue my lament: “Evil, we hardly knew ye!”

Actors Just Don't Do This Kind of Stuff Anymore

Did EVERYONE in the 60's and 70's have a record deal? I mean, Don Johnson, Eddie Murphy and Bruce Willis aside, it seems like every kitschy actor and actress of the golden era of TV had a companion LP. I guess Ted "Too Close For Comfort" Knight was no different.

The reason why Ted Knight is so cool is because he lent his authoritative voice to so many superhero cartoons like Super Friends (1973), The New Scooby-Doo Movies (1972), The Batman/Superman Hour (1968) and the Superman/Aquaman Hour of Adventure (1967). The title "Hi Guys" is so simple, so dumb, that it just makes me giggle a little.

If This is Magic I Never Want To Fall In Love

OK, so this 45 seems really easy to pick on because the lynx (or whatever it is) looks so embarrassed. Eric Saxon could be the Norse God of humping and this image would still send chills up any wise girl's spine. I mean, a medallion AND a choker? (I'm not even going to mention the bare chesticles.)

I picked this 45 up for a dollar, but it didn't have the record inside. My interest was piqued by his obvious stage-name, "Eric" (like the Viking), "Saxon" (like the Normans and the Saxons of the Middle Ages), the fact that he's on "Chalice Records," and that his song is about Magic. Whooo-ee, I doth smell the Renaissance Faire!  Classic.

The Good, The Bad, and The Uuuuuuugly.

My boyfriend was really mad at me the day that I showed him that I purchased this Barry Williams 45, because I paid a whopping $15.00 for it. In his opinion, I paid about $14.50 too much. I think he's just jealous of Barry's magical qualities, and his ability to grow eyebrow hair. Funny, I tune in to ABC every Friday night, but the Brady Bunch is never on. I guess it's an X-File now.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Im Netz der Schwarzen Spinne...and Superman Looks Really Pissed!

Atom Man Vs. Superman (1950) was the first live-action Superman ever seen, presented as a 15 episode, cliff-hanging serial. Kirk Alyn played Superman; inaugurating the filmic role a few years before George Reeves so famously portrayed him on television from 1951 to 1958. It was the Reeves version that caused a Superman-sensation with young fans all over America, proving to marketers forever the power of TV.
Interestingly, Noel Neill played Lois Lane in the serial with Alyn, then went on to continue her role with George Reeves in the better-remembered “Adventures Of Superman” on television.
There’s a story that Alyn turned down the Reeves part in the TV series, but that story feels false. As an interesting side note, Alyn appears as “Young Lois’ Father on the Train” in Superman: the Movie (1978), which is awesome, a further testament to Richard Donner’s genius.
Though Alyn flew off to Krypton in 1999, he will forever be remembered as one of the few, the proud, the celluloid “men of steel.”  Alyn’s costume is interesting, and can be quite clearly seen in this image. He is basically wearing a sweater (note the knitted wrists) and lace-up suede boots. He looks all pissed-off here, too, which I love about him. This is a German advertisement for the serial, complete with Alyn looking bitchen, Jimmy Olsen looking like a big doofus, and Lois looking…Lois-y. Neat-o.
This wicked brochure came from the Kirk Alyn collection, so I'm sure that he was fully aware of how awesome he looked in it. Rock on, sexy man.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Garage of Wonders!

My mother passed a sickness on to me. Her mother had the sickness, too. It’s in my genes…I’m a rescuer. Sure, I look normal on the outside, but drive me past a pile of furniture on a curb, a stuffy-looking thrift store or a pile of run-down books, and the excitement hits me. I’m not looking for treasure, however. I’m “saving” things.

It breaks my heart when I come across something that I can tell was cherished at one time, or has fallen through the cracks of families that don’t contain their own “rescuers” to keep little mementos. People don’t value old photo albums filled with smiling, unidentifiable faces, or piano sheet music, or smashed hats from the 50’s with broken feathers trembling bravely from their brims. Nor do they value brazenly ugly chalk ware statues of Renaissance Italian masterpieces, strange-looking lamps from the late 60’s, or cookbooks. Especially cookbooks. Well, I do…just ask my garage.

“What’s so fun about a cookbook?” most people would ask. You can find used ones by the truckload on all sorts of unappetizing subjects, from microwave cookery to “fifty different fast egg recipes.” Sure, others have discovered the joy, the excitement, the horrified glee that can be experienced by looking at full-color “hot-dogs and peaches a-la Polynesia” recipes, but the Master-class of cookbook perusal is in finding what I call “conglomerate books:” abandoned gems that have somehow remained jam-packed with 50’s and 60’s clippings, notes, traded recipes and give-away food-brand booklets that had been collected by an enthusiastic housewife of yore. If you come across one of these, “congratulations,” you’ve struck gold.

My latest golden find came not from a thrift store, but when I was cleaning out my own garage three weeks ago. Jammed into a box of random books and rescued single dishes (one really is the loneliest number, isn’t it?) was a tomato-red, mid-century spiral-bound book called “Cooking Clips: Recipe File.” It was jam-packed with yellowed newspaper clippings and goodness-knows what else. Eureka!

Jammed into one of the first sections, tabbed “Candy” was this: “Ideas With Meat,” brought to you by the American Meat Institute (headquarters Chicago??) whatever that is.

Inside are charming, illustrated guides to meats of all sorts with titles like: “Did you say Ham?” and “The Succulent Sausage.”

And how about the little-known other use for a wheelbarrow? Have you seen what’s been in my wheelbarrow? Ewwww! Genius!

And how about this little gem of a how-to giveaway? I mean, I want that original painting in my living room, for Pete’s sake!

See? There's nothing wrong with simple pleasures, as long as there's color photos of nasty-looking food involved!